Not Taking for Granted the Things I Can't Say

There's nothing like going without things you take for granted to get your your old paradigm shifting. Two (now going on three) weeks ago my van died. I turned it off at a gas station and. . .it died. Being in a two-parent one income home, it was apparent that we weren't about to get that car fixed the next day AND school was starting the very next week (two or three days later). Suddenly, I find myself in this predicament I can't "Martha" my way out of (again). I just couldn't get a workable solution that didn't require my being car-less. So what do all moms do when they can't do what they want or get what they need on their own? They ask for help.

Asking for help is not a natural ingrained response for me when things go wrong. I am MRS. INDEPENDENT and you can't tell me anything (my poor hubby)! I can do it all (in my mind) but this time I couldn't and still can't. I have to wait on someone else (my poor hubby) and it is KILLING me (and him too probably)! But along the way, God has been teaching  me to choose the Mary path and take what is better.

I've had to learn some humility and use my manners more and appreciate the things I do have: like a bus system, and a stroller, and kids who love to walk, and the weight loss I'm experiencing slowly but surely because I've kicked my stalling metabolism into overdrive and can't seem to stop sweating, and . . .you get what I'm saying. There are a lot of unexpected blessings I'm receiving from this "trial". Don't get me wrong: it is in-con-ven-i-ent and a hassle to ride the bus with me and three little ones (and their entourage of stuff). At the same time my eyes have been opened to just how stuck in a rut I've been as well riding in my van and complaining about what I don't have (more like what I wouldn't take the time to do for myself). I hope after the van is on the road again and things return to "normal" that I won't forget to count my blessings and to see the world for what it is: open, and full of possibilities.

A Wife's Burden

I am agitated and annoyed today. I think it sucks when I have so many things I want to do and I am limited by imaginary things like time and money. What are you talking about girl? There is nothing wrong with wanting to do something a particular way especially when that thing is rooted in good sense and order. I'm venting because I wanted to do something one way and my spouse, eh, not so much. Every time my husband tells me to wait to do something when I think we should do it "this way" or by "this time" it always ends up inconveniencing me (or being a disaster) in some way or making the situation less cost effective in the end, but at least I submitted. . .Ugh! For once, I want my husband to submit to a request I make without giving the guilt trip: Well, do what you THINK YOU HAVE to do. . .  Where is the diplomacy in this? Where is the give and take? Is the husband/man honestly always right? I don't think so!I'm not trying to tell my spouse what to do. I'm not trying to ignore what he thinks but there has to be a way we can work together for a common goal that doesn't leave me feeling put off or inconvenienced all the time. I'm the one with out a car this month! We both have strengths and weaknesses that compliment each other but right now everything feels so one-sided and I feel too put off to do anything.

What does Faith look like?

This post is a couple of years old because I never finished the poem. Now it's done and I hope you understand what I'm trying to say:

Is she tall and thin?
Is she clean within?
Is she shy and insecure?
Is her heart pure?
Is she short and stout?
Does she prance about?
Is she loose with men?
Is she full of sin?
Is she wise
Or a fool?
Is she fearful?
Is she cool?
Does she live by grace?
Can she show her face?
Is she living by the Law?
By tooth and claw?
Is she resting?
Is she trusting?
Is she tossed?
Is she hustling?
What is man?
That thou art mindful?
Who I am
Art Thou mindful?
Faith says "yes."
Faith says "yes."

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not?

I'm not going to complain about how long it has taken me to write on this blog because happily I have been busy with other endeavors. I'm just going to say that I'm thankful that I have such a cool outlet to occasionally vent. I'm glad I don't email this one so that I can be a little more free about what I put in it. Sometimes being a woman in this world sucks. And it could just be my circumstances and my outlook but sometimes I wonder how on earth women have survived as long as we have with all that we have going against us. Does God still have a special place in his heart for us? It's hard to tell sometimes with all the misogynistic behavior being perpetrated against women all over the world and right here in this country. If you have any scriptures proving that God loves women please, please, please add them to the comments because I would really appreciate them.

No Gift Like The Present

One day @ a time is all I have to make my life a living sacrifice

One day @ a time is all I've been given to move forward in grace instead of strife

One day @ a time is all that is required for it is a blessing from God Himself

One day @ a time is all that I need for that is the quota of my help

Perceptions

Let us learn to stay true to ourselves and who we are. We can enhance/enrich one another by the fragrant personalities we possess. Let us never be afraid to be that rose, or wildflower, tree, or shrub, grass, herb or even weed. We all have a purpose and we all contribute to life in some way or another. We must decide for ourselves whether it will be for the better or the worse. Live, love and learn.

Happy 2009! It's time for a Haircut. . .

Ok. It's a new year with new expectations whether I planned to make them or not. I don't do resolutions, but the new year always, and I repeat always causes me to reflect on things that I either didn't do like I wanted, or at all, or did do that I will never do again. For me, the one consistent thing all year long that vexed me to no end was my hair. I was pregnant in 2008 and I couldn't get my eeeevil hair under control. It had a life and will of its own which seemed to like the WILD side! God help me! But this year WILL be different. Why? Because I know I have the upper hand with my hair. I have threatened to cut it off from the rest of my body. It will no longer be a part of me and rule over my life and the perceptions that people have about the state of my mental health. So there! Ha, that's telling it like it is. . . Anyway, I'll post pics of my new look whenever I pull it together. God help me!

I Won't Complain

Today is one of those emotional days where I don't feel very good about myself. I was looking at the pictures in my screen saver of me and my family members and I thought about how much prettier it seemed my in-laws and siblings look than I do. I figure it has something to do with hormones but I try not to be too hasty with those particular types of pronouncements upon myself. However, the teary eyes and tell-tale lump in my throat keep giving it away. But I had to think it through so that I could come to this conclusion. Every one has good days where they feel hot, sexy, beautiful, and brilliant. Everyone has bad days where they sometimes don't even feel human and much less hot, sexy, beautiful, and brilliant. And I am one of those people who seem to have the monopoly on displaying the finesse and grace of a one-legged grasshopper, but no matter: This too shall pass.